The time is 18:15 and you’re on the way out of the house. The first thing you see is a lengthy corridor which goes to an elevator that takes ages to get to your floor, then you go down to the ground floor where you come out to street level. You come out to the pavement which is made out of a thick concrete texture (like most pavements are), the smell is distant and doesn’t have much to it until you go past the fish shop where the smell of old fish cause the hate and disgust to rise in your nostrils. It is still light outside and the atmosphere is calm and comfortable due to the light around you causing a sense of safety and security.

You then pass by a countless stream of shops, most of which are well-known shops like Waitrose and Tesco. You also get quite a homely feel in a charity shop as the shop never seems to change and always has that distinct smell of old books and that lavender perfume your grandmother always used to wear. Then you come to the large department stores like Debenhams and John Lewis which have distinctive looks and features to them like the company logo and historic location which go back over 50 years.

You then come to Oxford Circus, which is a nightmare to go through as there are many cars zooming through the junction. The hordes of people who barge you out the way and linger in groups straddling the entire pavement do nothing to ease your passage. The best way to describe the sound is the analogy of a party in a circus and everybody in the world has been invited to. You then escape around the corner to a wide length street that stretches towards the famous Liberty department store. This carries on down until you find a regal large building you go inside and see a carpet which leads to a large elegant staircase which comes onto an exquisite bar and into a large room, you sit down and smell the fear and excitement in the air as the curtain rises.

The curtain closes and you are overcome with emotions of sadness and happiness due to the fact you liked the show and at the same time, you are sad that it is over. You then come out of the theatre and see the abundance of people in the area, mingling with the other people who came out of the theatre along with you when the show finished. You then go down the street and come to the junction which you can see and hear is vastly different from what it was 3 hours ago. There are very few people out, but those who are have shady looks to them and it takes a long hard to look around the area to catch your bearings. It is very dark outside and the only light comes from the street lamps and very few shops that won’t close until the early hours of the morning. The light is just about bright enough to see the shady characters that pass the street and always seem to have their hands in their pocket. This gives the impression that they have a knife in their pocket and they are on the hunt for their first target.

You then come to a very dark high street with just one street lamp in sight and a distant shop that has a light outside. Nowhere is open except the Tesco Express that is open 24/7. You can no longer smell that horrible fish smell which is replaced by the smell of cigarettes and alcohol which lingers in your nostrils. You then come to the final stretch of street and then into a quite private piece of land which takes you to a large electronic-fob operated door which you open. You then wait for few minutes for the elevator to get to the ground floor whilst you examine the area and all it quirks; like the bench and mirror which is left to the wooden door leading to the 21 flights of stairs to each individual floor. The lift finally comes and you enter. You then elevate up 7 floors and find a long corridor. You make your way straight down the corridor where you reach the flat at the very end. You get your keys and open the door. It’s completely silent…..

Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. This is definitely going in the right direction, Lethaniel. It’s a big improvement on your last one – more vivid, focussed and this time you take the reader along with you.

    Before I approach it formally to assess it, I think it’s fair to ask you to go through it and carefully punctuate your sentences – at the moment there are a number of run-on sentences that make it hard to read and will affect your ultimate result.

    Do speak to me if you need assistance in understanding where a sentence might begin and end.

    Nice going.

    CW

    Reply
  2. Comments for improvement

    * Check spelling and grammar

    * Use of wordiness and Perspective (First Person, Second Person, etc).

    * To Obvious sentence

    * Rewording of different sentences (Less is more) “*It is still light outside and the atmosphere is calm and comfortable due to it being the daytime and not the night-time.*

    * (Opinion need rewriting)

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Communication, IGCSE Courswork, Uncategorized